PUNKROCKGRRRL

sarah hadland appreciation post

merma1d-motel:

credit to lothiriels, jongdaes, peterparkour, helensdivision, wobbledygook, fabacon, consultingasshole, mirandaobsession, astudyinpanic, fuckyeahhorriblehistories and two unknown sources.

I’m so fucking angry at you. Why are you acting like an actual cunt? Just talk to me about what the fuck your problem is.

You said it seemed like I was coping quite well and clearly I’m not struggling, I assume that’s from what you’ve seen on my FB and Tumblr. 

Well it wasn’t about you, I thought it was someone I’ve not spoken to in a while that doesn’t follow me any more. I knew it wasn’t you because of the way the anon typed, being nothing like how you type. But I can see why you’d think it was aimed at you.  

Of course not, I understand now and appreciate that you need time. I’m not gonna lie, I probably did those things because I was just a tad infatuated with you when I told you I loved you. It was like we almost switched roles. When we were only dating, I had my guard up, and you were quite clingy. Then I let it down. 

But we had a conversation, one I remember very well, where we talked about if you were willing and ready to try and make us work, and you said yes. I was clingy and overbearing because I didn’t know what was going on with us. I’m not even denying I can be those things. Everything I said was wrong a lot of the time too.

Whoah, I’m not a bad person. It says I thought with my heart instead of my head and I was a little bit selfish for one. But I also remember asking you out right and saying I’m not getting involved with you if you aren’t ready, you told me you were. So I took your word for it. 

But what does it really matter, because after all, I was only a nice distraction. 
You’re so fucking harsh. You are acting like this is all my fault.
If I was nice, boring and whatever, why did you string me the fuck along?
Why are we even doing this? Just tell me to fuck off and I will? It’s obvious you had no respect for me. Starting arguments out of nothing. Petty.

Go get someone else off the internet? Fuck you.

You’re the one that wanted to break up so why are we doing this ‘I’m the victim’ fucking bullshit? 

 

I’m not telling you half truths. I’m not being dishonest with you. How have I been?  Don’t pretend like this is all my fault. It is both of our faults.
Maybe you were right for me, but the timing of us wasn’t. I’ve never even acted like you’ve led me on. So why say that?  

Do you know how harsh it is to hear your ex-girlfriend say ‘you were a nice distraction’?  I don’t want to be someone’s nice distraction. 
Do you know how insulting the word ‘nice’ is? It’s a boring word. A nothing word. Great to know that’s what you think of me.

I knew you were still in love with her, I asked and you persisted that you weren’t and that I was what you wanted, so I let myself open up to you.

We rushed, yes. But you also weren’t sure of what you wanted for a long time whilst we were together You told me you loved me too, if you shouldn’t have said it, why did you? I suffocated you, you pushed me away. 
I understand you were in love with Rach. I was in love with Sami, for a long time. 

I was never ever nasty towards you.
I am now, because I’m pissed off. 

What is going on in my head is not what I show on Facebook and Tumblr. I’m trying to distract myself from you, if that’s okay? Apparently it’s not okay for me to even look happy now, which is just brilliant. 

You asked for space, well here it is.

Do you not think it killed me the way we were the other day? 

You’re making me out to be an utter cunt and a liar. And I really hate that.
One thing I have realized is I’m not a bad person. 

FFS why is it not okay for me to be happy?